Healthy Relationships: The Courage to Be Yourself
“In a healthy relationship, you should feel free to be yourself.”
That sounds simple. But for most of us—especially those in high-stress, high-responsibility roles—being fully yourself isn’t easy. It’s a practice. It’s a skill. And it’s incredibly brave.
Authenticity means showing up as you—even when you’re tired, unsure, or afraid of how you’ll be received. And that kind of freedom—the freedom to be seen for who you are—isn’t just some feel-good philosophy. It’s essential to human wellbeing.
Why Authenticity Is Hard (and Why It Matters So Much)
When we’re young, we start adapting. We figure out which parts of ourselves are accepted, praised, or punished—and we start performing accordingly. We build habits of self-protection: staying quiet, staying agreeable, staying guarded. And those habits follow us into adulthood.
Especially in public safety, the job often reinforces that. You learn to stay calm under pressure. To not show too much. To keep it together no matter what.
But in your closest relationships—at home, in friendship, in leadership—those same habits can disconnect you from the people who matter most.
As Dr. Brené Brown says, “Vulnerability is the birthplace of love, belonging, joy, courage, empathy, and creativity” (Brown, 2012). It’s also the single strongest predictor of long-term relationship satisfaction and emotional wellbeing. But vulnerability isn’t just about sharing your wounds. It’s about being seen, fully, without guarantees of how it will land.
That’s authenticity.
And in a healthy relationship—romantic, familial, or professional—you should feel free to be fully human:
Messy, growing, feeling, real.
Emotional Intelligence Makes It Possible
Authenticity isn’t about saying everything you think or feel all the time. It’s not about oversharing or having no boundaries. It’s about knowing who you are, noticing what’s true inside, and choosing when and how to share it in ways that support connection.
That takes emotional intelligence (EI).
EI gives you the skills to:
Identify your emotional experience in real time
Regulate your reactivity so you can speak clearly, not defensively
Share your truth with courage and respect
Stay open when others are honest with you
Studies show that emotionally intelligent individuals have higher relationship satisfaction, better conflict resolution skills, and deeper levels of interpersonal trust (Brackett et al., 2011). And when one person in a relationship starts showing up with greater vulnerability, it often creates a ripple effect—building safety, trust, and mutual respect.
Healthy Relationships Start With One Brave Step
Being fully yourself in a relationship means risking rejection in service of real connection.
It means being willing to say:
“That really hurt.”
“I need help.”
“I love you.”
“I’m scared.”
“This is who I really am.”
And it also means giving others the space to show up authentically, too.
When we do that—when we drop the armor—we make it safe for someone else to do the same. And that’s when real trust, love, and connection take root.
Take This With You: Vulnerability Sharing Practice
(Adapted from Command College’s Every Officer is a Leader Course)
Choose one person—at work or at home—you trust enough to go a little deeper with.
Then, set the stage with this:
“Hey, I’ve been working on showing up a little more honestly in my relationships. Would you be open to doing a quick reflection practice with me?”
Step 1: Pick a prompt. Choose just one to share with the other person.
“One thing I’ve been carrying lately but haven’t talked about is…”
“One thing I appreciate about you but don’t say enough is…”
“Something I’m afraid of but want to get better at is…”
“Something I wish more people knew about me is…”
Step 2: Share with authenticity and openness simply letting the other person be present for you.
Step 3: Ask if the other person has anything they’d like to share with you. Then practice presence as they share.
While the other person is speaking, listen fully. Don’t interrupt.
Make eye contact. Nod or gently affirm. Stay with them.
When your mind drifts, return to their voice. Return to your breath.
Step 3: Say thank you.
No need to fix, solve, or comment. Just appreciate one another for the chance to be authentic.
This practice builds the muscle of authenticity and trust—one rep at a time. It can be quiet, powerful, even awkward at first. That’s okay. It’s not about being perfect. It’s about being real.
In a healthy relationship, you should feel free to be yourself.
And the freedom to be yourself is one of the greatest gifts you can give to someone else, too.
Works Cited
Brackett, M. A., Rivers, S. E., & Salovey, P. (2011). Emotional intelligence: Implications for personal, social, academic, and workplace success. Social and Personality Psychology Compass, 5(1), 88–103.
Brown, Brené. Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead. Gotham Books, 2012.