Author: Lt. Nate Downs – Holly Springs Police Department, NC
It’s been a long shift on the streets of the community you work where you went from call to call with double-digit reports, evidence packaging, and multiple trips to the jail. Now you are on your 30-minute commute home because you don’t want to live in the city you work so the criminals don’t know where you live. It’s been 14 hours since you left home this morning and now you park your patrol car in front of your home. You slowly walk to your door as you are exhausted and a five-year-old boy and 3-year-old girl meet you at the door with smiling faces and arms open for a hug followed by your spouse. You shake your head and smile back at your loved ones. Now the real job begins!
Prioritizing your family and having relationships outside of the profession is vital to your success. I learned in Dr. Gilmartin’s book “Emotional Survival for Law Enforcement” that officers are on a ‘biological roller coaster’ due to the hypervigilance our bodies go through while we are on the streets. It is a natural thing our bodies go through to help keep us alive on shift and when we go home we metaphorically and physically crash on the couch. Dr. Gilmartin calls this the ‘couch potato’ phase on the ‘roller coaster’. The things we see on a daily basis are not normal to the average person and in fact, we will experience far more critical incidents than them as well. These experiences cause us to change over time in different ways. However, we cannot let the job bring us down and have a lasting effect on our families. It is easy to let these events and the job take over and cloud our brains and slow us down to nothing.
After we work, the majority of us are going home to family. It’s time to start prioritizing your family and protecting the time you have with them. A good place to start is by getting more consistent sleep at night. Be diligent to go to bed at a reasonable hour so that you can get at least 7 hours of sleep. Communicate with your spouse about your needs whether it is decompression time, workout time, etc. Talking with those you love about the things you need to help stabilize your ‘biological roller coaster’ is a necessity. For some reason, we police officers think we are superhuman and that we can do anything and everything with less sleep, communication, food, exercise, and the list goes on. Bring your spouse into the conversation and share what you are feeling and going through. I think you will find that this may strengthen your relationship and you will start to show your affection for each other more. Try not to accept every off-duty job and start getting outside with your family. Spend time with your spouse and kids by playing in the yard, hiking, sitting around a fire pit, or doing something you enjoy. The point is we already work a lot so try to be with your family. This time can help stabilize your ‘roller coaster’ and help normalize your body.
Having friendships outside of Law Enforcement is also good for you. I know it’s not fun being introduced to people like the following: Hey, this is John, he is a cop. Then the next 20 minutes are questions about the job or how to get out of a ticket. But there are friendships that are not like that, I promise. Get involved with a local church, club, parks and recreation league, etc. Spending time with people who have similar beliefs as me and doing things together outside of Law Enforcement helps ground me and distracts me from always thinking about the job. It’s important for your overall well-being and family life to spend time with those you love! So the next time you see your kids and spouse, hug them and look them in the eye and tell them you love them. Start being there for them today.