“At some point you’ve got to decide who you’re going to be. Can’t let nobody make that decision for you.” — Moonlight (2016)
From the moment we’re born, the world tries to tell us who we are. Parents, teachers, peers, bosses, society — they all hand us scripts. Some of those scripts are helpful; many are not. And if we’re not careful, we spend our lives playing roles we never chose.
But identity is a decision. Not a single decision made once and for all, but a thousand small choices made daily. Every action is a vote for the person you’re becoming.
Psychologists call this “identity-based habit change.” Instead of just focusing on outcomes — losing weight, saving money, being successful — real transformation comes from deciding who you want to be and living in alignment with that identity. “I am someone who…” becomes the most powerful phrase you can say.
Of course, it’s not easy. Choosing yourself can mean going against expectations. It can mean walking away from relationships, jobs, or patterns that no longer fit. But the alternative — letting others define you — costs far more.
The truth is, you already hold the pen. Every day you’re writing the story of who you are. The question is whether you’re writing your own story — or letting someone else write it for you.
Action: Today, think about the best version of yourself you can imagine. What do they look like? How do they feel? How are they living? Who is with them? What is the most important thing in the world to that version of yourself? Now finish this sentence: “I am someone who…” Then live one action in alignment with that choice.
Reflection: Are you living as the truest version of yourself? What is one action you could take today to be more true to the real you?