Accepting Help: Letting Others In
“Gracious acceptance is an art—an art which most never bother to cultivate. We think that we have to learn how to give, but we forget about accepting things, which can be much harder than giving… Accepting another person’s gift is allowing him to express his feelings for you.”
—Alexander McCall Smith
We’re often told how important it is to give—give our time, our strength, our service, our care. Especially in public safety, giving becomes second nature. You’re the helper. The protector. The one who keeps others safe.
But receiving? Accepting help, support, or care from someone else? That’s harder. It feels vulnerable. Uncomfortable. Maybe even weak.
Yet what we often forget is this: accepting help isn’t just about you. It’s about the relationship.
When someone offers their support—whether it’s a listening ear, a home-cooked meal, a ride to work, or a moment of compassion—they’re not just offering a service. They’re offering connection. And when you say yes, you’re not just taking—you’re allowing them to feel valuable, needed, and trusted.
Why Accepting Help Is So Hard
From a young age, many of us are conditioned to believe that strength means self-reliance. That asking for—or even receiving—help is a form of failure.
In the culture of public safety, this message gets even louder. “Handle it.” “Suck it up.” “Don’t bring your problems to others.” Over time, this can create a wall between you and the people who love you—not because they don’t care, but because you won’t let them in.
But the truth is: connection is a two-way street.
If you’re always giving but never receiving, that’s not connection—it’s performance. And it can slowly erode even your closest relationships.
What the Research Says
Psychological research shows that healthy relationships are built on mutual vulnerability—a give and take of care, trust, and support. When both people feel safe to lean in and lean on each other, relationships deepen, emotional health improves, and stress is reduced (Feeney & Collins, 2015).
Studies on social support have found that people who accept help from loved ones experience:
Faster recovery from trauma and grief
Lower levels of cortisol (the stress hormone)
Better immune function and reduced cardiovascular risk
Stronger long-term relationship satisfaction (Uchino, 2006)
Refusing help, even unintentionally, can communicate mistrust or distance. But accepting help fosters closeness, trust, and emotional reciprocity.
As McCall Smith reminds us, receiving someone’s help is allowing them to love you—to express what you mean to them in a way that words can’t.
Letting Others Give Is a Form of Love
When you say yes to help, you’re saying:
“I trust you.”
“I’m human too.”
“I value what you’re offering.”
“We’re in this together.”
You’re not just receiving—you’re strengthening the relationship.
So whether it’s your spouse checking in, a partner offering to take a tough call, or a friend noticing you’re off and asking if you’re okay—pause before saying “I’m fine.”
Ask yourself: Is this a moment to let someone in?
Take This With You: The Help Acceptance Practice
This week, try this simple—but powerful—practice:
Step 1: Notice When Help Is Offered
It might be direct—“Do you need anything?”
Or subtle—“I made extra food,” “Want to talk?”, “I’ll cover this part.”
Step 2: Practice Saying Yes
Even if it feels awkward or undeserved, try saying:
“Thank you—that actually would help.”
“I really appreciate that.”
“Yeah… I could use a hand.”
Let it land. Let yourself feel the support.
Step 3: Reflect Afterwards
Ask yourself:
How did it feel to receive that?
Did it shift anything in your relationship with that person?
What would it feel like to allow this more often?
The Bottom Line
You don’t have to carry it all alone.
You don’t have to earn love through strength or independence.
And you’re not weak for saying “yes”—you’re courageous for being human.
Relationships grow stronger not just when we give, but when we allow others to give to us.
Let someone love you. Let someone help.
That’s connection. That’s belonging. That’s what keeps us human.
Works Cited
Feeney, Brooke C., and Nancy L. Collins. A New Look at Social Support: A Theoretical Perspective on Thriving Through Relationships. Personality and Social Psychology Review, vol. 19, no. 2, 2015, pp. 113–147.
McCall Smith, Alexander. The Right Attitude to Rain. Anchor Books, 2006.
Uchino, Bert N. Social Support and Health: A Review of Physiological Processes Potentially Underlying Links to Disease Outcomes. Journal of Behavioral Medicine, vol. 29, no. 4, 2006, pp. 377–387.