By Nancy K. Bohl-Penrod, Ph.D., Director, The Counseling Team International (TCTI)
Your Families are equally impacted by this anti-police climate. However, they often keep their concerns to themselves for fear of making things more difficult for all of you. Remember when you joined the Sheriffs Department, they also joined….your work is a family occupation; what happens at work spills over into your family, partner, spouse and children.
Conversely, what happens at home spills over to work. Your home life and the support from a positive relationship are key to buffering work stress and maintaining sense of well-being on the job.
Your family resilience is defined as the ability to struggle well and bounce back in the face of adversity. Resilient families buffer stress, share pain, and offer positive appraisal to each other. They can make meaning out of adversity, maintain an optimistic outlook, dedicate themselves to larger values and purposes, balance stability, change, and are flexible. They communicate effectively using a range of emotional expression, collaborative problem solving and conflict resolution.
Building resilience requires modifying the relationship among your family, you, and the department. These are difficult and challenging times for law enforcement , but you will rise to these challenges and – When bad news happens, don’t avoid the conversation. Talk to your family about your thoughts, feelings, and reactions. This will help them see that they can discuss these things as well.
- Try to anticipate the questions your family may ask and prepare your responses in advance.
- Schedule time to talk about non-work related issues. Assign regular check-ins for when both partners have equal time to talk about what’s going on in their lives.
- Talk to your significant other and children about the realities of police work. The things you are doing to stay safe, how the department is managing the threat, etc.
- Allow your family members (including your children) to have a different opinion than you. Give them the freedom to respectfully express their concerns and thoughts and use this dialogue to bring the family unit closer rather then divide it.
- Encourage your children to explore the thoughts, feelings, and reactions they have separate from their parents. Create a safe space for them to discuss these things and use this time to either build a connection with them, respectfully educate them, or validate them.
Keep in mind that a growing anti-law enforcement culture can work to isolate your family members from friends, other family members, colleagues, and peers that have a different opinion. Use this time to draw support from one another and reach out to resources that can assist with this process, including peer supporters, chaplains, and mental health professionals